Before I start this blog post I want to warn you that there will be mature topics in this blog and if you are below 18, I’d like you to read one of my other blog posts that doesn’t involve mature content.
You’re still here? Great! Let’s get it on!
Friends with benefits, what does that mean exactly? I’m glad you asked! A FWB is a friend with whom you are intimate, much more than a regular friend. A FWB is a friend who you feel sexually attracted to, but you are not in love with eachother. It is still a bit of a taboo, but I’m glad this taboo gets more normal everyday.
I recently started a FWB+ with my ex. We broke up because, although we loved eachother, we weren’t the right fit, we used eachother to escape our problems and didnt get a step further in life. That is not a good base for a relationship. But we still loved eachother, we were still great friends and more over we were still sexually attracted to eachother.
So what is the plus in FWB+? We agreed to still go on dates together and spend days together with her kid. This is a bit more intimate than the regular fuck buddy.
When you decide to become fwb’s you need boundries, guidelines and rules. With improper communication the special casual relationship you have will be a drama filled unguided train heading for a cliff.
What are boundries that we have set up?
Without honesty in your casual relationship you wont get far. We promised to share our feelings and stories, without too many details in the story.
As an example, we were getting a bit drunk and she got the courage to tell me about the guy who she slept with. It happened in the time when there was still some drama left from the break up and I was a mess. I told her that I didn’t blame her for it. But she started to overshare. Details I rather would not know because I knew they would keep roaming in my head. And to be honest it did that night, we slept in the same bed and I couldn’t get any sleep. But we talked about it and it gave me my confidence back. Without that positive communication I would have been a mess for sure!
Communication is key to this kind of relationship. I told her that I wanted her to be open about it. I didnt want to know about details, but knowing that she would sleep with someone else without being honest about it would be much worse.
Make sure you set up proper guidelines and rules. When you have a friend with benefits you cannot expect the other to not sleep with other people. And you ofcourse want to keep yourself healthy. So set an agreement to practise safe sex at all times with other people.
Also be clear about feelings. When you are in a super close relationship with your friend it can be confusing at times. You wouldn’t be bumping uglies if there weren’t any feelings, but you dont want to completely together for whatever reason you guys might have. So be clear on your intentions and discuss what you can say about your feelings and what will happen if one of you fall in love with eachother.
FWB the Disney way
I’ve been a romantic guy all my life, I blame Disney for that. It’s not a bad thing though, romance can be a big turn on to people.
Take Disney as an example for what you need in your FWB relationship.
Whenever my girl needs a Gaston, I will be her muscle, with my arms around her and making her feel good around a confident man. If she needs The Beast I’ll make sure I’ll rock her world. If she needs a Flynn Rider I’ll make sure I’ll be the romantic confident man that I am.
Same goes from her side, sometimes I need the rebellious Merida to show me boundries and fun. Sometimes I need a Tiana who cooks for me and shows me that I need to work hard because life isnt just a party. Sometimes I need a Rapunzel who will hold me and tells me that everything will be allright.
Normally you get that from a relationship I hear you say, but this isnt anything different, this might even be more intimate.
Ever since we became FWBs, our sexual lifes became better, our intimate talks became more intimate. Our whole relationship became way more relaxed because we are still there for eachother but we need room to progress in life.
Is it hard and scary? Most defenitly, but anything that ain’t scary ain’t worth it.
Friends With Benefits isnt everyone’s cup of tea. It needs a lot of dedication and distance. You will get moments where you will get your feelings hurt, just as much as in a relationship. Honesty and communication are the words to focus on. Become the rent Disney prince(ss) your friend needs, be the arms that your friend can lay in when the world is a bad place. But in the end be true to your own feelings.