If there is one thing that is really important in a relationship then it is trust. Without trust you cannot build a foundation to build a future upon. With a Disney relationship that is nothing different. For me however it is something completely new. I hope I can help people who feel the same way about this subject.
First real relationship
This is my first real relationship, before I have only been dating for at most 3 months. My life was preoccupied with my dream to be a musician. All my relationships have ended like a ship heading onto rocks. One more disastrous than the other. But right now it feels like we are both on the wheel and we are working like a team.
Trust building is something that I have never done before outside of my normal friends. But I’ve learned that being in a real relationship it is like being in a relationship with your best friend. You can laugh and cry together without judgement, anytime you need your better half they will be there for you.
Knowing that you are not alone anymore is something that feels really good. I enjoy it so much, but due to previous experiences I have gotten myself into some PTSD territory. I’m not ashamed of telling you this, when my Disney Princess went out one night I completely freaked out. I didn’t want to tell her because I didn’t want to ruin her night. Luckily she understood where my fear came from and decided to work together to overcome it.
Don’t be stuck in the past
If there is one thing I’m bad at, it is moving on from the past. For the last 13 years I couldn’t let go that my father was dead and that I, completely unreasonable, thought that I was responsible for his death because I decided to hang out with friends while my father had an heart attack.
My Disney Princess has talked some sense into me. I no longer feel this way, I know that my dad loves me wherever he is, I know that he is proud of who I am.
But the thing is, I never told anyone this and by form of showing myself that I moved on I’m writing this on the good old world of the Internet. Possibly telling thousands of people in the future about one of my greatest secrets.
Just like with that problem, my past relationships have been a problem as well.
Getting over an ex
If you really want to start building the basics of your relationship you need to be over your exes. No matter how much it had hurt in the past you need to move on. If you get stuck in the past you won’t get any further.
My last girlfriend was over 8 years ago. I had a hollywood story of a start of a relationship with her. I went out in Amsterdam and met this great American girl who was out with her friends, we started dating during the time she was here but eventually she had to go back to the US.
I saved up all of my money of my dead end job to be able to go visit her and her parents. This was in the time when airplane tickets were really expensive. I had to pay 1300 euro’s for a return ticket to Little Rock, Arkansas. Next to that I paid 800 euros for a 7 day stay at a small hotel. In the time before I would go I noticed that she got a bit more distant.
At first she would stay the whole week with me so we could have a lot of alone time together, joking that we wouldn’t see much daylight or the outside of our hotel room. But then she said that she still had to work, I mean, that’s fine of course but a little weird to hear that after she said she got time off.
Then she told me she would have to eat at home because her parents wouldn’t approve of it if she didn’t, which was weird as well. And then she told me she could only stay over on the weekend because she didn’t feel good if she “had to lie to her parents”.
This should have sounded off all the alarms in the world to me, but it didn’t because I was so in love and it was only a week before I would go to her. I decided to trust her that she was being honest about everything.
The turning point
But then the next day, I tried to text her how happy I was that I would come over in less than a week. But she didn’t respond. Hours went by before I decided to call her. Mind you, this is in a time when there wasn’t Whatsapp and Skype wasn’t on the early smartphones yet.
She picked up and talked to me indifferently, like she was hiding something. So I asked her what was up and she told me that her ex was at her house. I knew that she wanted to stay friends with him because her little brothers loved him and she didn’t want her little brothers to lose their friend.
I could kind of understand that, if it wasn’t that he was being really bad to her in the past. So I asked how long he would be at her house. And then she mentioned that it was too late for him to go home because he had been drinking and didn’t want him to get in a late night accident.
Ground falling apart all around
That was the moment where it felt like all the ground fell apart around me, she admitted that she had been cheating on me for a little while and that she wanted to go back to her ex. But she knew that I had spend a lot of money already to go and see her so she didn’t want me to know just yet.
She still wanted to meet me and see if there was more of a thing between us than between her and her ex. That’s when I freaked out, called her names that I’m not proud of and I wished her all the bad luck in the world.
Needles to say I didn’t go to Little Rock, Arkansas and lost a lot of money in the process. It made a scar for 8 years of my life and right now I want to be healed.
Moving on after that
Right now I’m working really hard on building my trust back up. While it can be really hard on me I promised I would keep trusting My Disney Princess with everything she does, even though I can see major flashbacks.
Last Christmas My Disney Princess and our Little Monster stayed over at her ex-husbands place because she thought he deserved a good christmas. I had to work and we celebrated Christmas the day before. It took all my willpower not to freak out too much, even though she said she promised to sleep in the same bed as him, but nothing would happen because their son would be in the middle of them.
This was a great test for me to see if I could trust somebody again. And I’m happy to say, that even while it was really hard to do, I trust her completely.
Life will always test your relationship no matter what, and just like in a story there are moments of rock bottom but your significant other will be there to pull you out of rock bottom. It is true that you build up your relationship together. I might not always have been on the same level as My Disney Princess, but right now I’m working my damndest to climb up to her level.
I promised her to always tell her the truth about what I’m feeling so I won’t have a meltdown anymore. Last night I was on the verge on a meltdown again. I wasn’t being fair to her and after our call I knew that I had fucked up and had to get things straight again. Luckily My Disney Princess has the patience of a saint, so even though it can be hard on her that my emotions are like a rollercoaster, she is still there for me.
Today I realised that she must really love me. Like I said, she has the patience of an angel and she is willing to help me work through all my personal problems, as long as I’m progressing through them.
I now understand that she loves me as much as I love her, that I have nothing to fear from and that my emotions make a fly look like an elephant. Therefor I have decided to get my healing into an overdrive. I’m taking a leap of faith to trust somebody unconditionally and work up to the greatest future I could imagine.